1. Why the strongest leaders aren’t unshakable
In my consulting practice, I often see leaders pouring enormous energy into strategies, projects, and goals. But the biggest drain isn’t numbers or processes – it’s emotions.
Who doesn’t know the feeling: a conflict with a colleague or a dismissive remark in a meeting lingers for days – and consumes more energy than any project.
2. The Stoic distinction
The Stoics (Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, Epictetus) articulated a simple yet powerful idea over 2,000 years ago:
We must distinguish between what happens in the world – and our reaction to it.
The former is often outside our control. The latter – our emotions and how we handle them – lies within us.
For leaders this means: not every problem, critique, or conflict must take over your inner world. The key is maintaining distance and consciously steering your response.
3. Emotional resilience as a leadership quality
Resilience doesn’t mean having no emotions. It means perceiving them – without being ruled by them.
Leaders who cultivate emotional resilience send powerful signals:
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They remain clear even in conflict.
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They aren’t driven by short-term emotions.
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They create safety because their teams sense: this person stays capable of acting – even under pressure.
4. Practical tips for emotional resilience
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Breathing technique: Take three deep breaths before responding to a provocative remark. Often that’s enough to regain clarity.
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Reframing: Ask yourself: “Will this still bother me in three months?” – usually, the answer quickly puts things in perspective.
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External perspective: Share your emotion with a neutral person. Simply voicing it helps create distance.
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Write it down: Put thoughts on paper to get them out of your head – a classic Stoic tool.
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Physical reset: Move your body – a short walk, exercise, or just leaving the workspace often works better than brooding.
5. Abraham Lincoln’s “Hot Letters”
A striking historical example: Abraham Lincoln.
When he was angry at generals or politicians, he would sit down and write furious letters – detailed, emotional, full of criticism. But he never signed them. And he never sent them.
These so-called “Hot Letters” remained in his desk and were only discovered many years later. They weren’t meant for the recipient – they were for Lincoln himself, a way to regulate his emotions.
It allowed him to express and process his feelings – and then act with greater calm and clarity.
A surprisingly simple method that shows: even the greatest leaders needed ways to deal with their emotions.
6. My recommandation
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Which conflicts or remarks are currently draining your energy?
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What method helps you express emotions without turning them immediately into action?
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What would your own “Hot Letter” ritual look like?
Because leadership doesn’t mean being without emotion. It means: leading emotions – especially your own.
