1. When the Invisible Takes Effect
In many teams, everything seems to be in order at first glance: clear structures, defined roles, and a professional tone.
And yet, the atmosphere feels tense – friction arises, quietly but noticeably.
The cause usually isn’t open conflict but rather unspoken expectations and false assumptions.
Expectations that were never voiced.
Assumptions that are mistaken for truths.
Together, they act like a silent poison: slow, invisible, but destructive.
2. The Paradox of Professional Politeness
In professional environments, people strive to be polite, respectful, and diplomatic.
That’s a good thing – but it often leads to one unintended consequence:
Things that should be said remain unsaid.
Examples:
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“I’d like to get more feedback.”
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“I need more clarity on priorities.”
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“I feel overlooked when decisions are made without involving me.”
These sentences are rarely spoken aloud.
Instead, people withdraw, lose motivation, or quietly start looking for another job.
Unspoken expectations don’t disappear.
They silently shape every interaction.
3. The Most Dangerous Assumption: “I know how they think.”
In my coaching and leadership workshops, I see the same pattern over and over again:
Misunderstandings arise because people believe they know each other.
Ironically, the longer people work together, the worse the problem becomes.
You assume you know what your colleague wants, what your boss thinks, or how your leadership partner interprets a situation.
You act based on those assumptions – and only weeks, months, or even years later do you realize: you were wrong.
I often say in these situations:
“The simplest, most important, and most often forgotten rule is: talk to each other. Ask the other person.”
It sounds banal – but it’s the core of effective communication.
4. An Example from My Own Practice
In my work as an executive search consultant, I encounter this all the time.
I’ll come across a LinkedIn profile and think: “They’re too senior for this role – it won’t be interesting for them.”
But then I stop myself. How do I know that before I’ve asked?
In fact, some of the best placements have come from exactly those conversations – because it turned out that someone wanted to take on a more hands-on role again, or was seeking meaning rather than status.
Even clients tell me at times:
“No need to contact that person – they’re one or two levels above this role.”
And my answer is always the same:
“Let’s find out.”
Asking instead of assuming – that’s real communication.
5. Why Speaking Up Takes Courage
Asking questions or addressing uncertainties openly can feel uncomfortable.
Many people avoid it because they don’t want to appear ignorant or uncertain.
But it’s always worth it. It shows that something matters to you – and the other person will rarely perceive that as weakness.
And if they do, the problem lies with them, not with you.
The cost of silence is always higher than the discomfort of an honest conversation.
Every lingering misunderstanding erodes trust – and trust is the foundation of every functioning relationship and team.
6. What Good Leadership Can Do
Good leadership understands: creating clarity about expectations isn’t a luxury – it’s a responsibility.
Three simple but powerful questions can help:
- “What do you need from me to do your job well?”
- “What are your expectations?”
- “What should we know about each other to make collaboration work?”
Such conversations can feel uncomfortable – but they build connection long before misunderstandings take root.
7. My Recommandation
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Where in your team do unspoken expectations still exist?
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Where do you assume to know what others think – and might be wrong?
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What energy would be released if things were simply said clearly?
Leadership doesn’t begin with answers but with questions.
Not with assumptions, but with genuine curiosity.
Open expectations build trust. Unspoken thoughts divide.
